Missing Summer...

Do you ever miss Summer?
For those of us who are no longer in school, summer isn't really that much different than the other 9 months of the year, is it? If you find yourself in that position, do you miss summer? Do you ever miss staying up late with no concern for what time the alarm will go off in the morning, or swimming until your eyes are so over-chlorinated that you see rainbows everywhere?

My wife now works as a school nurse so she actually gets a summer break, and of course my kids are out of school, sleeping in, and enjoying their time off, but as for me, well, things are moving on just as they have before.  In fact, if anything the lack of clear schedules, bedtimes, and weekdays vs weekends has actually made it more difficult to find time to connect with my family at times.

If this at all resembles your life, then I have one challenge for you this summer - Don't MISS Summer! The great opportunities we have to build lasting memories with our spouse and family, and to instill key values into our kids can be easily missed while they are at home lounging and we as parents are off working. It's my goal this summer to capture those opportunities, re-orient myself to the summer schedule, and make the most of these days while my kids are out of school. I know to do so I will have to be intentional! To that end here are my Top 10 Family Summer Ideas, most of which with any luck, I plan to put into practice this summer:

10. Go on a family vacation
While this seems simple, less and less families are taking out the time to get away and spend time as a family for an extended period of time.  It doesn't have to cost a great deal of money, (go on a "stay-cation" in your town), but be sure to take the time away from work to get away with your family.  Ask anyone about their favorite family memories and most likely they will tell you it was a family vacation.  One note here: I try to not "overschedule" our family vacations either. Keep them simple, allow the family to bond, even allow the kids to get bored together - it will lead to a richer more memorable time together.

9. Go to church
Summer time can easily become a time where we disconnect with the regular routine of bringing our families to church because we are traveling, and going. Remember that what we DO communicates more to our familes than what we SAY.  Keep fellowship and gathering with the body of Christ a priority in your schedule.

8. Do a Project (together)

Build something, clean out a closet, re-arrange the garage, but do it together as a family! Not only is completing a project gratifying, but it calls us to work together, take time together, and be together. If love is spelled T.I.M.E. then doing a project together is a great way to demonstrate love to your family.

7. Define Summer Challenges
A few summers ago I realized that if I will lay out a few age-appropriate challenges for my kids it makes the summer an intentional time to teach my kids those things I want them to know before they leave me home. (admittedly, I have done a better job of this with my son) Challenge them to learn how to have a quiet time, to complete a reading challenge, to change a tire, or develop a personal budget. As parents we have the responsibility to prepare our kids for what's coming and to be productive members of society (Dads I really feel you should set the pace here) Don't have kids? Write up summer challenges for you and your spouse and share them with each other.

6. Serve Somewhere
There is nothing that negates discontentment in our lives like serving others. We are reminded of the blessings that God has given us, and that we should be grateful. Serving stirs our hearts for God because Jesus came to serve and not be served. The summer is a great time to intentionally lead our families to serve because we have more free time. Make sure your summer isn't just about you- get out of your routine and set aside a day to serve others (dads this may cost you a day off at work - it's a day well spent!)

5. Go to the Library

That's right, local libraries still exist! They offer great summer reading programs and I'm convinced that my kids will be who they will become in 10 years based on who they meet, where they travel, and what they read. In our society readers are leaders so take the family to the library and stock up on some quality summer reading. (Mom & Dad - set the pace here. You can't expect your kids to love something you will not do yourself)

4. Reach your neighbors
In the summertime warm weather = more people outside. Be intentional. Set aside nights to BBQ and invite you neighbors over. Consider throwing a 4th of July block party. Christ calls us to love Him and our neighbor, so we should be intentional this summer, meet those who God has placed around us, and reach them with God's message of grace.

3. Send your kids to Camp/VBS
When you meet your neighbors a great way to share that message with them is to invite them to VBS at church or to a summer camp...the thing is you first have had to prioritize your summer so that your family can attend! Consider the spiritual development that happens in 1 hour of church for 52 weeks vs an entire week of growth that can happen in 1 week of VBS or at a camp like Second's beach retreats. Looking for something g to participate in? Here is our church summer lineup at Second Houston: http://www.second.org/en/summeratsecond2015.aspx 

BONUS: while your kids are at VBS/camp you can clean, catch up, relax, rest, read...you get the picture!

2.  Be spontaneous

Every moment can't be planned. Create margin in your summer to simply be spontaneous with your family. They WILL remember it. Go to the beach, buy snow cones - just do something unexpected.

1. Have a weekly family night
During the year we regularly get up together as a family, sit at the table, discuss a daily devotional thought, and pray for the day. Because my kids are still asleep most weekdays in the summer when I'm leaving for work, I'm going to try planning one night a week where we plan to meet as a family, pray, study the Bible and talk about our week. With camps, vacations, and other summer "stuff", a once a week "family night" can be essential for leading your family, re-directing family focus, and re-connecting with each other. Think: what night would work best for your family?

Sound off: What are your summer plans this year and how have you been intentional with summertime in the past?

These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:6-9 

Timeless qualities millennial's must cultivate

What Two Kinds of Executives Say About Today’s Graduates:

 

• “These kids are lazy, entitled slackers. They’ve got lots to learn about 
  a job.”
• “These kids are redefining the workplace. They’ll reinvent what jobs 
  look like.”

 

In reality, there’s a kernel of truth in both of these viewpoints. No doubt, students will need to adjust as they move from a dorm room to a cubicle. They may not be able to wear flip-flops or shorts when working for a Fortune 500 company (at least right now), but I believe they’re on the front edge of a new “on-demand” workforce that’s more about projects than the clock, who may do their best work at midnight rather than noon, and who communicate virtually more than face to face. I believe management will need to adjust as these Millennials become the majority in 10 years.

 

The Cultural and the Timeless

 

The fact is, effective leaders are able to separate what is cultural (trends that change all the time) from what is timeless (the changeless virtues all team members must possess). They adapt to the changing culture—the new rules and new ways to get work done more efficiently—but they cling to the timeless truths that make for a good workplace.

 

 

Think about it: if leaders never change anything, they’ll become dinosaurs quickly. If they’re always changing everything, they create a volatile and unstable culture at work. Both consistency and change are necessary. So here is my question as we attempt to equip graduates for work: What are the timeless qualities leaders must build into team members in every generation? Let me suggest eight virtues that will never go out of style:

 

Timeless Traits Regardless of the Generation

 

1. Discipline 
There comes a time in everyone’s career when the work is no longer glitzy or glamorous — it just needs to get done. We don’t feel passionate in that moment, but we must do what is right, even when we don’t feel like it. This is a timeless virtue. While kids always want to find work they are passionate about, nothing takes the place of grit and old-fashioned work ethic.

 

2. Respect for authority 
While this virtue may look slightly different in each new generation, civilization will cease to make progress unless each population of workers learns to submit to governing authority. Even if it comes kicking and screaming, growth cannot be achieved without coordination and organization from an agreed-upon leader. Respect for those who cast the vision and manage the progress is essential.

 

3. Empathy 
Imagine a new population of colleagues who possess zero empathy for their peers. While job descriptions may still be followed, organizational culture would be lifeless. Genuine excellence occurs when people care more about each other than they do about money. This turns a one-mile walk into a second mile and motivates people better and faster than perks. It gives work meaning.

 

4. Resourcefulness 
More and more leadership gurus are proposing that resourcefulness is the meta-competency of the 21st century. Why? Because information is no longer scarce. Anyone in any position has access to any question. Resourceful team members who can dig and find solutions will be in high demand. Organizations seek out people who can adapt and reinvent themselves because they possess this trait.

5. Delayed gratification
Regardless of what age we live in, team members who are not slaves to instant gratification will be attractive to employers. People perform better when they can wait on solutions they want and perform due diligence on rewards they seek. Delayed gratification is not only a mark of maturity, it is a sign of value. People who embody it frequently get promoted to leadership roles.

6. Self-awareness
This is the first component of emotional intelligence; it is also a rare trait in people. I believe this is a timeless skill or quality because of the pace of progress we are making with technology. Screens don’t cultivate emotional intelligence or interpersonal skills like genuine face-to-face interaction.

7. Teachable spirit
This is all about remaining coachable into one’s later years. It means maintaining a hungry mind, a humble heart, and a growth mindset, even into the second half of your career. Once again, this is timeless because change happens so rapidly. So it’s important for people to adapt and adopt new ways.

8. Resilience
Much is being written about this topic today, probably because so few of us (and the Millennial generation) possess it. Due to modern culture, we’re conditioned to quit early when things get tough or never make a long-term commitment. We are used to a world that is fast, convenient, and full of stimulation. Team members are needed who can bounce back (and even bounce forward) from a fail.

Here’s to balancing the art of adapting to culture and technology—and embracing the timeless virtues that teams will always need.

A great truth borrowed from Growing Leaders 

- See more at: http://growingleaders.com/blog/eight-timeless-qualities-millennials-must-cultivate/#sthash.N8exzsHW.dpuf

Beach Retreat 2015 @ Second...a must for your teen!

Is Your teen signed up for Beach Retreat? visit www.second.org today to ensure your teen a spot in the most significant spiritual thing happening in Houston for teenagers this summer!

Who's going to trim these hedges?

"WHO'S GOING TO TRIM THESE HEDGES!!"

That's exactly what I said today as I walked past the large hedge that sits just outside the front door of my house.  After my recent ACL Surgery I was required to hire some men to keep up my yard because the doctors said I would not be able to do it myself for a few months. Even though I enjoy doing the yard work myself (I know, I'm strange), I hired a crew of men armed with their tools to weekly cut the grass, clean out the flowerbeds, maintain the trees, and yes - to even trim the hedges!  So, today when I walked by the large hedge in my front yard and noticed that it looked "out of control" for the 3rd or 4th times this week I thought, "why are these men, who I'm paying, not doing something about this!"  I was understandably frustrated.

Then it dawned on me...I have a pair of hedge trimmers in the garage, I can now walk well enough to tackle this job, trimming a bush isn't rocket science, so why complain about what someone else is not doing when I can initiate the change myself??

So what did I do? I grabbed my clippers, trimmed the hedges right then and there, and walked away minutes later pleased that I didn't have to be an eyesore anymore!

As someone who serves in the church I see this same scene played out time and time again.  We see something that bothers us, we notice something that needs attention, we can tell that something needs to change, to be updated, something should be started, cleaned up, or just modified, and what is our knee jerk reaction?? "Let's call on the paid guys to fix this thing!" In the American church we tend to think that it's easier to simply wait for the professionals to come in and initiate the change when we have all the tools ourselves to do what is necessary for God's church and God's Kingdom! Tools given to us by God himself to do the work that needs to be done - His work!

  

AS EACH PART DOES IT'S WORK

Ephesians 4:16 reminds us, "From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."  We ALL have a part to play, and we ALL who know Christ have the necessary tools (gifts) to play that part perfectly.  Zach Hunter as a teenager challenged others to "be the change you want to see in the world." (http://www.zachhunter.me/#/books/generation-change) -- surely we can be the change we want to see in our churches.

Next time you say, "Who's going to trim these hedges?", consider that God may have placed you there to be the very one to do it!

12 Tips for Seniors as the graduate

My friend Brian Mills (Youth pastor @ Longhollow Baptist in Tennessee posted this - I wanted to give him credit and share it with you. His blog is brianmills247.blogspot.com.  I'm personally looking forward to our Graduate's Class for Graduating Seniors this year at HS Beach Retreat here at Second.  If you are a graduating Senior this is a must!

Here are 12 topics to talk about with Seniors before they leave your home or ministry.  

A great verse to center them all around is Matthew 7:24-27

1.  Who you surround yourself with matters.

2.  Leaders are not defined by their position but by their influence.  

3.  Who you date will eventually turn out to be your spouse - Be Wise! 

4.  Networking is a key component on the road to success.  

5.  Gods call is great than man's call.  

6.  Family must be keep at a high importance.  

7.  Never forget where you have come from.  

8.  Pray Continually.  

9.  Your daily time with God will keep you focused daily.  

10.  Travel often on mission trips.  

11.  Be wise financially.  

12.  Never let success be your Lord.  Keep Jesus as your Lord.  

3 BOOKS I ENCOURAGE ALL SENIORS TO READ THEIR FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE:

1.  Joshua Code by O.S Hawkins.  52 Verses every believe should know.  This is a great 52 day devo for them to read.  

2.  Best Question Every by Andy Stanley.  

3.  Chasing Elephants by Brent Crowe

What to do in the "new"

I love riddles.

"What gets wet as it dries?"

"What appears once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years."

"When you don't know it it's something, but once you know it's nothing. What is it?"

(Answers @ bottom)

Riddles.

I meet with many young adults in the course of my work (college students, young professionals, and young married couples), and as I do I see some trends that emerge.  When you're moving into a new season of life whether it's a new job, a new move, a new school, or a new marriage it's wise to make sure you're grounded in God's lasting truth and not a storm of opinion/advice that tends to accompany our new seasons of life. Why? Because by nature your "newness" makes your current situation somewhat unclear to you - a riddle if you will. I see many young people who, in new stages of life, grab every idea, concept, or opinion that comes their way. During times of change we need good grounding.

Here are 5 "Holy Habits" to build into life's new seasons to help us stay grounded in true truth and not in feeling/opinion.

Reading

You need to be reading and hearing from God's revealed Word. Grounding your mind in God's truth keeps you focused on what He says about your situation. If you are new to reading the Bible there are hosts of quality devotional books & plans to start with. 

How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Praise be to you, Lord; teach me your decrees. With my lips I recount all the laws that come from your mouth. I rejoice in following your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word. (Psalm 119:9-16 NIV)

Journaling

Write about what God is doing and what you're doing about it in this new season. Journal your prayers, your concerns, scripture your trusting in, and how God is providing a way. This is healthy now because it makes you stop and reflect, and it's also something you will treasure later.

You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. (2 Corinthians 3:3 NIV)

Listening

You don't have all the answers. Listen to those who have been down this road before you, listen to advice from godly men and women. Fight the tendancy to either go it alone or think you have the tools you need. The skills it took to get you here are not possibly what will make you successful at the next phase of life.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, (James 1:19 NIV)

Serving

It's our natural inclination during times of change and newness to turn inward.  The truth is that during transition serving others, and maintaining your commitments to serving will stir up humility in your heart, and humility serves you well in new seasons. Furthermore, we are never more fulfilled (or like Christ) than when we are serving therefore service is a natural confidence and emotional lift.

Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, (Ephesians 6:7 NIV)

Doing what you don't want to do so God can do what Only HE can do

When in new waters placing your selfish desires, wants, and ambitions aside and asking yourself what God would call faithful is a path to open doors that only can open when God does what only he can. Because I believe the Biblical narratives are instructive for life I see this in the "life examples" of Moses, Gideon, Joseph the father of Jesus for starters. Fight the temptation to turn self oriented in your new season but instead establish habits of doing what God calls best at the expense of your own pleasures.

-------------

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. (Isaiah 43:19 NIV)

Answers:

Towel

The letter "m"

A riddle

The Passion Week Experience @ Second

When I was young I remember what impact the Stations of the Cross services had on me! They gave me a foundational picture of what Christ did for us, and as a Christ-follower I believe these moments of worship are invaluable. 

This week Second Baptist Houston is hosting an event on all 5 campuses called The Passion Week Experience. It's an interactive devotional exercise for all ages, preschool to adults, to reflect on the importance of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. Early believers sought to more fully remember the events of the Passion Week by setting up trails, with guided stops along the way, built to remind themselves of various events leading up to the crucifixion. 

Walk through eight areas displaying items associated with the events surrounding the betrayal and crucifixion of Jesus. If you wish, you may touch, pick up, or even smell any of the items. Experience the Last Supper and it’s foreshadowing of the cross; sit in the Garden of Gethsemane and sense the anguish; feel the crown of thorns and spikes and imagine the pain. 

A printed guide (written by Gary Thomas) will help you reflect on each element’s relevance to the story of Good Friday, and how its truth can impact your life today. This is not a traditional rendering of the Stations of the Cross, but a fresh take on an ancient practice to help us prepare ourselves to more fully remember and embrace the Passion story.  

I invite you to join us!

Wed • Apr 16 • 9AM-9PM
Thu • Apr 17 • 9AM-9PM
Fri • Apr 18 • 6:30-9:45AM, 1:30-9PM **Good Friday Service • 12PM**

You are what you read...

What have you been reading lately that has shaped your world?

In a have-it-now digitally pleased world it's good to remember that no 140 character tweet or catchy Instagram tweaked with PicLab is going to take the place of reading an actual book to stretch your thinking, deepen your understanding, and sharpen you as a person. 

I tend to be a regular reader, but lately I've observed a tendancy toward reading more blog posts, and short digital op-eds instead of actual books.  As I refocus myself back on the habit of regular reading here are some thoughts...

You are what you read.

Tell me what you've been reading and I'll tell you who you will become. Read only the news today off your Fox or CNN app and you will be come anxious in the least or paranoid at the worst. Read licentious material (ie. Fifty Shades of Grey and the like) and you will become preoccupied with physical desires either that God never intended for you or those that will wreck your marriage/future marriage. Read book of history, biography, research, and/or Christian Life and you will grow as an individual.  Read nothing and you give yourself no margin to effect change in your life, and personal , professional, and spiritual stagnation will come.

Readers are leaders.

Harry S Truman said, "not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers." To get ahead of others and lead the pack you must read. Plain and simple.  In a recent Forbes.com article (http://www.forbes.com/sites/85broads/2012/08/03/why-leaders-must-be-readers/) I read, "Reading and learning from peers within, and outside of, your industry enables you to grow as an employee, business owner, and leader in three distinct ways." The article went on to say we read to:

Be reminded- of what we have already learned. Re-reading books that have shaped you is the mark of a good leader.

Be Challenged - reading challenges my opinions and gives me reason to criticize my ways of thinking. Reading something you disagree with can have a big impact on your ability to think, both creatively and logically.

Interact with others - Okay Facebook generation, it's true - you can successfully interact with others in person. A great way to spark discussion with friends, co-workers or your team is to discuss something you have been reading. 

Watching my kids read the other day was the true catalyst for writing this post. Here are a few pictures of my kid's reading time (It looks like my daughter Is asleep - how ironic!)

Now, for those of us who are Christ-followers most of these are purely secular observations until we realize that it was God's idea to have us implant the right ideas (His ideas) in our heads long before the printing press or e-readers changed reading.  For years God's people were challenged to write God's Word on their heart (Psalm 119); how much greater of an opportunity do we now have to sharpen our mind, learn of God's ways, and hear from those who walk closely to Him in a day and age when reading is at our finger tips? Let's now waste it!

How to become a reading leader:

1.  Ask others whom you respect what they are reading, collect info on what's out there (old and new).

2. Create a "to-read" list for yourself.

3. Set aside certain times to read (this is where e-readers are an advantage because you can read anytime you have downtime). Habitual reading times will help.

4. Begin reading with the goal of completing the book in a certain length of time to both finish and to stay motivated.

5. After reading take a moment to document the main points and your "takeaways" from the book. (This can be a seperate document or in the back of the book itself)

6. Move on to the next book on your list & enjoy the life-long benefits of regular reading!

Mockingbirds and Monkies

Monkey see monkey do. Recently I've noticed a trend in my home, mostly among my oldest daughter Olivia.  It all started when we were given a picture frame with the phrase "I love you because..." written on it. It's a beautiful gift and we have given something similar to others as gifts on several occasions since then. The idea is that Erin and I would write encouraging notes to each other that finish the sentance "I love you because..." then the other would see it and be reminded in that moment of another reason that they are loved.  Such a great way to encourage each other!

Well, recently we have noticed that our children, especially Olivia, has been leaving notes of the same kind around the house. Our kids are turning into regular old encouragers themselves! What a great real-life reminder that people are always watching our example-- they are always watching what we do, and not specifically what we say. There sure are a lot of mockingbirds and little monkeys in our midst, let's let them see the right things to imitate!

What is it that you are modeling to others?

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29 NIV)

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. (Hebrews 13:7 NIV)

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. (Hebrews 13:7 NIV)

5 rules for Tech-iquette

The social graces you're missing when you're constantly checking your phone.

The following is a post from relevantmagazine.com and thought it was worth sharing because it challenged me to honor others and be "present!" Enjoy...

I was out for dinner with a friend when I noticed a couple at the next table—she was holding her phone and rapidly firing off a text or a tweet, while her date dutifully chewed away at his burger.

“How rude,” I thought, “to be typing a conversation with someone who isn’t there, when you’re sitting across from someone you could have a real conversation with.”

The opinionated little character in my mind jumped up on her soapbox and began preaching against the potential evils of mobile technology—how our addictions to technology, social media and instant gratification are slowly eating away at the most important “real” relationships in our lives.

WHEN IT COMES TO OUR INTERACTIONS WITH OTHERS, DOES YOUR CURIOSITY 

ABOUT HOW PEOPLE ARE RESPONDING TO YOUR MOST RECENT FACEBOOK 

STATUS TRUMP YOUR CURIOSITY ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON IN THE LIFE OF 

THE FRIEND YOU’RE MEETING FOR COFFEE?

Ten minutes later, I felt that familiar buzz in the back pocket of my jeans, offered a quick apology

 to my friend, and pulled out my phone. “But this is different,” I muttered to the still-preaching 

soapbox character in my head. I, after all, had been waiting to hear back from my brother so 

we could finalize holiday travel plans

But, of course, it isn’t “different.” Or another way to look at it is that it’s always different—
there’s always some explanation, excuse or imperative when it comes to our own cell 
phone use. 

The reality is that most of us find it almost impossible to create personal policies we can 
stick to, let alone a broader social etiquette everyone can agree on.

The easiest response to this conundrum is taking the Wild West approach: It’s a whole new world, where personal freedom trumps rules. But new territory comes not just with new opportunities, but new responsibilities, as well. Today’s college students, as the first generation of adults who grew up with cell phones, are in a unique position to help shape how we can make the most of technology without sacrificing our face-to-face connections.

So what should the etiquette be around the use of our mobile devices? And is etiquette always shaped by rules, or can it be shaped, instead, by desired outcomes?

I think focusing on our desired outcomes best suits the rapidly changing nature of technology (as well as what it means to be 20, and what it means to be a New Testament Christian). In other words, it’s the spirit of the law, not the letter of the law, that truly inspires and changes us.

When it comes to cell phone use—whether you’re in class, hanging out with a group of friends, or sitting next to grandma at the Thanksgiving dinner table—here are some outcomes we might strive for, along with some thoughts about how those outcomes might shape our actions.

1. Compassion.

One way to think about compassion in our day-to-day lives is being more tuned in to the needs of those around us than we are to our own needs. When it comes to our interactions with others, does your curiosity about how people are responding to your most recent Facebook status trump your curiosity about what’s going on in the life of the friend you’re meeting for coffee? Does the urgent buzzing of your phone trump the urgency of the very real world that’s carrying on, all around you?

2. Effective communication.

Whether we’re responding to a Facebook status, sharing an opinion on Twitter, or in a conversation with someone sitting across from us, we need to keep in mind how powerful words are. They have the capacity to hurt others and cause enormous rifts between people and groups. They also have the capacity to help us grow—to increase understanding and healing, to encourage and offer grace. When our communications are divided and distracted between too many people and platforms, we’re not able to give any of our communications the attention they require.

THE PEOPLE AROUND US DON’T ALWAYS HAVE URGENT DEMANDS OR NEEDS, 

BUT THEY’RE STILL PEOPLE WHO DESERVE OUR ATTENTION AND RESPECT.

3. Self-control.

We all like to think we are in control—especially over something like our pocket-sized electronics. But there’s something about the intrusive, insistent nature of these devices that often results in their control over us. Whether we’re constantly checking our phones out of habit or compulsive curiosity, it seems clear that most of us, most of the time, are being ruled by our devices rather than the other way around. If that sometimes feels like the case for you, perhaps occasionally turning your phone completely off, or leaving it at home, is the best way to show it who’s boss.

4. Respect.

The people around us don’t always have urgent demands or needs, but they’re still people who deserve our attention and respect. The professor who stayed up late the night before preparing her lecture; the dad who got up early on Saturday to make his family breakfast; the little sister who is telling a story about soccer practice; the barista who is making our coffee—they all are real people who are trying to connect with us in some way. When we pick up our phones—even if we tell ourselves it’s for a good reason—we are shutting down that connection and telling others that their efforts are not valued.

5. Grace.

Part of what giving grace to others is all about is extending the benefit of the doubt—trusting that others are doing the best they can in the moment, and that we don’t know all of the circumstances. Grace involves being less demanding, less accusing. It means not taking things personally, and accepting that everyone can’t be perfect all the time. We need to offer grace when we text someone and don’t get an immediate response, and when we’re sitting with people who are distracted by their phones. It’s possible, when it comes to our cell phone use, that grace is the most important outcome to strive for—both in what we communicate and how we communicate. What might like look like for you?

Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/relevant-u/undergrad/5-rules-tech-iquette#d3qK1g07bG6kYzUt.99

I've never...

Remember playing the game "I've never" when you were younger? You basically sit in a circle of chairs with others and someone stands in the middle, makes a statement of something they have never done (ie. worn a dress), then everyone who HAS done that certain thing gets up and must find another seat.  The one left without a seat once everyone find a spot is then in the middle. "Never" played it before? It's a simple, fun, and active game -- great for children old and young. (Maybe we will play on our family camping trip next week)

This week I had a mentor who I look up to share his "I've never" thoughts with me based on years of ministry experience, and it warranted passing them along with some reflections of my own:

I've never heard anyone say...

1. I wish I would've worked more.

This is pointed for Fathers especially. Right now you may be in a season of life where work is demanding, literally. It demands your time, your energy, and your focus. While truly hard workers seem in short supply, and diligent work is honorable there has never been anyone at the end of their life that said, "I wish I had worked more." 

2. I spent too much time with my kids.

Today I enjoyed a daddy-daughter lunch with my littlest (Lucy). She talked the entire time telling me about her day at preschool and informing me of her plans for our camping trip next week. (she plans to bring her American doll). As a young parent there are days that seem like they will never end, but I try to keep perspective that 50 years from now I will not find myself saying, "I spent too much time with my kids." No one says that.

3. I wish I was never baptized

As the cultural debate is ever-present on the subject of Jesus and his followers I've never heard someone lament their choice to trust Christ and identify with Him in baptism. Interesting.

4. I wish I didn't tithe that money

Buyer's remorse...I wish I didn't buy that car, I shouldn't have bought those clothes, and I regret purchasing those stocks are all sentiments we have felt. However, isn't it interesting that people never seem to regret giving a tithe. In the long run giving rarely makes our lists of life's regrets.

My response - leaders manage opportunities. Everyone has 86,400 seconds each day to use or abuse. Once an opportunity is gone you can't grab it back - that's true of a day or a lifetime. Sobering. I want to spend my time investing on things that matter and will matter in years to come.

Some key ways to seize the day and do what counts:

1. Make a to do list at the end of each day for tomorrow

2. Question everything: ask yourself- is doing this really important 

3. Avoid clutter

4. Use a calendar - it will help you see the big picture of where you are going.

5. Do things with excellence but avoid perfectionism

6. Think about long term goals

 Psalm 90:12 “Teach us to number our days, O Lord, that we may apply our hearts with wisdom”

Finding the Right Friends to Hold on to

Last week I took Ben out on a father/son outing we do every year close to his birthday (which is this Saturday).  I look forward to these fun nights more and more as he grows up, but they're not just for fun - they're intentional.  As Ben grows up he needs me to be intentional in teaching him life's lessons.  

Being a dad is hard work, but our sons/daughters need us to be actively engaging them, teaching them, and doing so in a way that's both creative, compelling, and memorable.

 

Dads - this is your territory! Dennis Rainey says, "if you are a father, this is your assignment. This is your privilege.  no other man on the planet has the same responsibility fore your son."1

Each year it's my goal to have one key thought for my kids (once they hit grade school). This year I'm teaching Ben "You are who you hang with."  He should learn, and learn early, that choosing friends changes your life and how rare and valuable true friendship is. As he begins this long journey called life, one of the greatest treasures I can help him find is true friendship.

To establish some scriptural truth about friends in a way he could remember we ended up at the rock climbing gym (a manly place, but also surprisingly staged well to teach about choosing friends). There he not only heard, but also experienced these truths on choosing the right friends:

Only you get to choose

The thing about friends is you must choose.  Life is not neutral - to move forward a choice is coming.  The same is true of Climbing a Rock wall -- there are many types of holds, some small, some large, some better than others for advancing you to your goal, but to proceed you must choose.  Choosing is a part of life and making the right choice is something that wise men do.

Some will help you climb higher

Some holds when climbing a wall are advantageous to your climb, others are there in proximity but not something that will help make the climb easier.  Just like choosing the right hold, choosing the right friends in life can really add to who you are in character, in integrity, and they will help you be who God has called you to be.

Some will make you fall

Some holds on a rock wall seem like they are there purely to lure you into reaching for them, grabbing them for what may be a moment, only to have you slip off and fall.  Similarly in life we can surround ourselves by those who would hold us back and at times cause us to fall and stumble in becoming who God has called us to be.  The truth is there are certain people to be friendly with but not to befriend.

Closest isn’t always the best

Proximity isn't always a good reason to choose a friend. It's just as true of grown men as young boys - the tendency is to choose those (or fall into a default friendship with those) we are near.  Your co-workers, those who like the same hobbies as you, neighbors.  Reality is those closest to you may not be the best friends for you.  Of course, we should be loving and kind to everyone, but to invite someone to influence you regardless of their character is not wise.  Same is true in climbing.  The temptation is to choose the holds that are closer, easier to reach for, but that doesn't make them the best for you.  be judicious, be choosy, be wise.

 If you fall, get up, learn from your mistakes, and climb again!

It's really not if, typically it's when.  A great lesson in life and @ the rock gym is to keep moving upwards.  Falls are a part of it and you will make a bad choice along the way - just don't stay at the bottom looking up.  At some point you have to learn from your mistakes and climb again.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24 NIV)

It's better to build boys than mend men.  - Truett Cathy, CEO Chick-fil-A

  
my compliments to Inspire Rock Gym in Spring, TX - should be a great father/son hangout for years to come!

1 Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood by Dennis Rainey

Divine Valentines (Valentines 2014 post 4/4)

This is my final post on loving well.  Today is Valentines Day and this blog taken from Gary Thomas' blog http://www.garythomas.com/blog/ is perfect for anyone whether you are married, engaged, single, or anywhere else on the love spectrum. Gary will be leading our Building A Sacred Marriage Conference next weekend @ Second - it's my hope you can attend!

 

Divine Valentines

photo: Ashley Campbell Photography, Creative Commons

If you want to make this Valentines’ Day special, in addition to shopping for the lingerie and chocolate, spend some extra time worshipping God.
It’s not that I have anything against chocolate or lingerie (especially lingerie), but nearly three decades of marriage has taught me that personal worship is an absolute must to sustain a strong marriage. It comes down to this: if I stop receiving from God, I start demanding from others. Instead of appreciating and serving others, I become disappointed in them.

But when my heart is filled with God’s love and acceptance, I’m set free to love instead of worrying about being loved.

I’m motivated to serve instead of becoming obsessed about whether I’m being served. I’m moved to cherish instead of feeling unappreciated.
There’s something about Valentine’s Day that, if the relationship is strong, makes romance feel wonderfully intense. But if the marriage is going through a tough patch, Valentine’s Day, with all the expectations, can make it feel even worse. That’s why we need to be spiritually prepared.
I’ve heard women complain about their husbands not being spiritual leaders, and husbands complain about their wives’ lack of sexual initiation, but the reality is, whenever we place our happiness in the hands of another human being, we virtually guarantee some degree of disappointment.

That’s why worship sets us free; it meets our most basic needs

—to rest in the fact that we are known, loved, have a purpose, and our eternal destiny is secure—so that lesser needs serve the role of an occasional dessert rather than our main meal.
If you expect your marriage to make up for your lack of spiritual intimacy and connectedness with God, you’ll bury it with your expectations and disappointment.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve found a constant formula at work in my life: the less I receive from God, the more I demand from my spouse. The more I receive from God, the more I am set free to give to my wife.
The best thing you can do for your marriage this Valentine’s Day is to fill your soul with God first. Offer a divine Valentine, revel in God’s love for you, and then watch your earthly relationship take on a new delight.

An Olympic Principle

In the finals of the Men’s Cross Country Skiing event, Russia’s Anton Gafarov crashed halfway down the hill, badly damaging his ski. However, he managed to get up and continue. After skiing a bit further, he fell again, this time breaking his ski. When he got up this time, he worked valiantly to keep his weight off the broken ski, trying to use only his poles. He couldn’t do it, and unfortunately, he fell again. This time, it looked like he’d need to quit the race. But little did he know that help was on the way.

Canadian Coach Justin Wadsworth ran onto the course to support him. He provided a new ski—putting it on for him—and enabled Anton to finish the race. Although he finished a full three minutes behind the leaders, the crowd gave Anton a standing ovation as he crossed the finish line. It was a moment for the Olympic ages.

Justin Wadsworth explained why he ran onto the course in an interview with the Toronto Star: “It was like watching an animal stuck in a trap. You can’t just sit there and do nothing about it… I wanted him to have dignity as he crossed the finish line.”

Wow. This is one big reason I love the Olympics. It’s not just the competition, it’s the goodwill.

This reminds me of the Waldorf Principle. It’s one of our Habitudes—Images That Form Leadership Habits and Attitudes. The Waldorf Principle is all about influencing through service. Extravagant, sacrificial service.

The Waldorf Principle

One stormy night, decades ago, an elderly man and his wife entered the lobby of a small hotel in Philadelphia. Trying to get out of the rain, the couple approached the front desk, hoping to get some shelter for the night.

“We’d like a room, please,” the husband requested. The clerk, a friendly man with a winning smile, looked at them and explained that there were three conventions in town. “All of our rooms are taken,” the clerk said. “But I can’t send a nice couple like you out in the rain at one o’clock in the morning. Would you perhaps be willing to sleep in my room? It’s not exactly a suite, but it will be good enough to make you folks comfortable for the night.”

When the couple declined, the clerk insisted. “Don’t worry about me; I’ll make out just fine,” he told them. So the couple agreed to spend the night in his room. As he paid his bill the next morning, the elderly man said to the clerk, “You’re an exceptional man. Finding people who are both friendly and helpful is rare these days. You are the kind of manager who should be the boss of the best hotel in the United States. Maybe someday I’ll build one for you.”

Two years passed. The clerk was still managing the hotel in Philadelphia when he received a letter from the old man. It recalled that stormy night, and enclosed was a round-trip ticket to New York, asking the young man to pay him a visit.

The old man met him in New York and led him to the corner of Fifth Avenue and 34th Street. He then pointed to a great new building there, a palace of reddish stone, with turrets and watchtowers thrusting up to the sky. “That,” he said, “is the hotel I’d like you to manage.”

The old man’s name was William Waldorf Astor, and the magnificent structure was the original Waldorf-Astoria Hotel. The clerk who became its first manager was George C. Boldt. This young clerk never foresaw how his simple act of sacrificial service would lead him to manage one of the world’s most glamorous hotels.

The way to the top is not just through service—it’s through extravagant, sacrificial service. When someone goes out of their way to help you, it makes all the difference in the world:

• It’s the difference between getting a grumpy, inattentive waitress versus a professional, friendly server whom you actually enjoy talking to and who allows a special order.
• It’s the difference between calling customer support and plowing through automated menus versus instantly being connected to a live person who goes out of her way to help.
• It’s the difference between having a professor who just tolerates your questions versus having one who spends extra time and effort to help you really grasp the material.

In our world today, people expect service. What blows them away is when that service is extravagant and sacrificial—service that’s above the call of duty and costs something to the person who provides it. I’d say Coach Justin Wadsworth practiced this well.

Talk It Over

1. Do you know anyone who models servant leadership? Are they more influential because of it? Explain.

 

2. What does it mean to serve sacrificially? How are you doing in this area?

 

3. When you serve others, do you just do the bare minimum, or do you exceed their expectations?

 

Live It Out

True service always costs us something. This week, perform one act of service for someone else. But instead of just doing the bare minimum, go the extra mile. Really sacrifice yourself on someone else’s behalf. Don’t just clean your friend’s room… clean her bathroom as well. Don’t just wish him a happy birthday… organize a surprise party! Don’t just write a nice note… write several notes and post them in unexpected places. Sure, it requires time, energy, and even money, but what makes it extravagent. After finishing, reflect on the experience. What did you discover?

- Blog post adapted from Tim Elmore's Habitudres. See more at: http://growingleaders.com/blog/category/winter-olympics/?inf_contact_key=2150a615b26151f7abb929aa2e76e8d290a92df61dd8f7bdf004d6a88f704c4d#sthash.zKNFBZce.dpuf

Love ________ Anyway this Valentines Day (post 1/4)

 Sometimes Valentines Day can be a reminder for some married couples that the person you are married to isn't who you wish they'd be....then what do you do? This is one of four post heading into Valentines day in hopes to encourage couples to love well and in a godly way this season.  Today's post is taken from Gary Thomas' blog www.garythomas.com 

Gary will be leading our Building a Sacred Marriage Conference on February 22-23rd at Second. Register and/or get more info HERE

Love Anyway

photo: The Kristiano, Creative Commons

Meg and Peter have been married for more than twenty years. On Valentine’s Day, Meg went all out, giving Peter his favorite candy, tickets to an upcoming hockey game, and, later at night, she wrapped herself in a special outfit purchased for just that occasion.

Peter got her a card.

At the grocery store.

That he purchased on the way home from work.

He didn’t add anything to it, either. He just signed it, “Peter.” He even forgot to write the word “love.”

A couple of days later, Meg tried to explain that she felt a little taken for granted. Apparently, Peter misunderstood her intent because when, two months later, they celebrated their 22nd anniversary, Peter didn’t get Meganything.

Meg kept waiting throughout the day, wondering when Peter would bring out the present—but the present never came. Since she had given Peter herpresent—some rather expensive fishing lures—she knew Peter remembered the anniversary. So as they got ready for bed, Meg waited in anticipation, but Peter slipped in beside her and promptly went to sleep.

The next morning, Meg was beside herself.

She fretted all day until Peter came home from work and then she asked, “How could you not get me anything for our anniversary? Especially after our conversation about Valentine’s Day?”

“Well, I thought about getting you something but it didn’t work out,” he replied. “And then I knew not to get you a card because you said you didn’t like that last time.”

“It’s not that I didn’t like the card. It’s that the card alone seemed a little sparse.But even that is better than nothing…”

Several months later, Meg had a birthday.

This time, Peter got her a present—a kitchen tool set. Several weeks before, Meg had asked to borrow Peter’s tape measure and screwdriver. Peter figured that Meg should have her own small set of “kitchen tools” so that she didn’t have to borrow his.

Meg recounted all this, then explained how she had tried to get her husband to read several “how to” books on loving your spouse, but it just didn’t interest him. He’d read the first few pages, lose interest, and never pick the book back up again.

“I’ve realized, this is never going to change,” she confessed. “But I love him anyway.”

That last statement of Meg’s, “But I love him anyway,” is one of the most profound theological statements on marriage I’ve ever heard. Most of us base love on “because,” not on “anyway.” I love you “because” you’re good to me. I’ll love you “because” you’re kind, because you’re considerate, because you keep the romance alive.

But in Luke 6:32-36, Jesus says we shouldn’t love “because,” but “anyway.”

If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.  Luke 6:32-36

If we love someone because they’re good to us, or give back to us, or are kind to us, we’re acting no better than your average, every day, common sinner who lives without the regenerating influence of the Holy Spirit. In essence, Jesus is saying, “You don’t need the Holy Spirit to love a man who remembers every anniversary—not just the anniversary of your marriage, but the anniversary of your first date and your first kiss, or who even remembers what you were wearing the first time you saw each other. Any woman could love a man like that. And if you love a husband who is kind and good to you—who lavishes you with gifts, who reciprocates with backrubs, who goes out of his way to get you time off, and who is physically affectionate even when he doesn’t want sex in return—well, you’re doing what any woman would do. There’s no special credit in that!

“But if you love a man who disappoints you, who may forget an anniversary or two, who can be a little selfish or a little self-absorbed—now you’re loving ‘anyway,’ and that’s what I call my followers to do. In doing that, you’re following the model of the Heavenly Father who loves the ungrateful and the wicked.”

Will you love only “because”? Or are you willing to love “anyway”?

Will you love a man or woman who doesn’t appreciate your sacrifice on their behalf? Will you love a husband or wife who takes you for granted? Will you love a spouse who isn’t nearly as kind to you as you are to them?

If you say “No,” then at least admit this: you’re acting just like someone who has never known the Lord. Just about every faithless marriage is based on “because” love. Christians are called to “anyway” love. That’s what makes us different. That’s what gives glory to God. That’s what helps us appreciate God’s love for us, because God loves us “anyway.” He loved us when we rebelled against him. He continues to love us when we continue to sin against him. He gives and he gives and he gives—and we take him for granted. He is eager to meet with us, and we get too busy to slow down and notice him. He is good to us, and we accuse him mercilessly when every little thing doesn’t go just the way we planned it.

But God loves us anyway. To love anyway is to love like God and to learn about God’s love for us.

That’s love, Jesus style.

Let’s love like that.

This blog post is an excerpt from my book Devotions for a Sacred Marriage.You can read more about this book and the options to purchase it here:http://www.garythomas.com/books/devotions-for-a-sacred-marriage/