Finding the Right Friends to Hold on to

Last week I took Ben out on a father/son outing we do every year close to his birthday (which is this Saturday).  I look forward to these fun nights more and more as he grows up, but they're not just for fun - they're intentional.  As Ben grows up he needs me to be intentional in teaching him life's lessons.  

Being a dad is hard work, but our sons/daughters need us to be actively engaging them, teaching them, and doing so in a way that's both creative, compelling, and memorable.

 

Dads - this is your territory! Dennis Rainey says, "if you are a father, this is your assignment. This is your privilege.  no other man on the planet has the same responsibility fore your son."1

Each year it's my goal to have one key thought for my kids (once they hit grade school). This year I'm teaching Ben "You are who you hang with."  He should learn, and learn early, that choosing friends changes your life and how rare and valuable true friendship is. As he begins this long journey called life, one of the greatest treasures I can help him find is true friendship.

To establish some scriptural truth about friends in a way he could remember we ended up at the rock climbing gym (a manly place, but also surprisingly staged well to teach about choosing friends). There he not only heard, but also experienced these truths on choosing the right friends:

Only you get to choose

The thing about friends is you must choose.  Life is not neutral - to move forward a choice is coming.  The same is true of Climbing a Rock wall -- there are many types of holds, some small, some large, some better than others for advancing you to your goal, but to proceed you must choose.  Choosing is a part of life and making the right choice is something that wise men do.

Some will help you climb higher

Some holds when climbing a wall are advantageous to your climb, others are there in proximity but not something that will help make the climb easier.  Just like choosing the right hold, choosing the right friends in life can really add to who you are in character, in integrity, and they will help you be who God has called you to be.

Some will make you fall

Some holds on a rock wall seem like they are there purely to lure you into reaching for them, grabbing them for what may be a moment, only to have you slip off and fall.  Similarly in life we can surround ourselves by those who would hold us back and at times cause us to fall and stumble in becoming who God has called us to be.  The truth is there are certain people to be friendly with but not to befriend.

Closest isn’t always the best

Proximity isn't always a good reason to choose a friend. It's just as true of grown men as young boys - the tendency is to choose those (or fall into a default friendship with those) we are near.  Your co-workers, those who like the same hobbies as you, neighbors.  Reality is those closest to you may not be the best friends for you.  Of course, we should be loving and kind to everyone, but to invite someone to influence you regardless of their character is not wise.  Same is true in climbing.  The temptation is to choose the holds that are closer, easier to reach for, but that doesn't make them the best for you.  be judicious, be choosy, be wise.

 If you fall, get up, learn from your mistakes, and climb again!

It's really not if, typically it's when.  A great lesson in life and @ the rock gym is to keep moving upwards.  Falls are a part of it and you will make a bad choice along the way - just don't stay at the bottom looking up.  At some point you have to learn from your mistakes and climb again.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24 NIV)

It's better to build boys than mend men.  - Truett Cathy, CEO Chick-fil-A

  
my compliments to Inspire Rock Gym in Spring, TX - should be a great father/son hangout for years to come!

1 Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood by Dennis Rainey